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Negotiations, consent and Newbie observations

Updated: Jun 29, 2022


On occasion, public events bring this topic up as a necessary posting.

** Membership Observations **

Our chapter of ClubFEM® has many written and unwritten protocols as well as dynamics between members that build assumptions from an observing outsider looking in on member activity. Someone attending their first munch or party may not know or understand the history or relationship behind or between some of the playful banter, verbal humiliation, or hands on play between members.

One should never assume that what goes on has not previously been negotiated between the members. Some of us have been ClubFEM® members and play partners with each other for years and what is unseen is the initial and ongoing negotiations between partners. Outsiders looking in, or new members, may make assumptions based on what they see without knowing the backstory. One should ever assume that they can play on the same level without getting to know the other. Nor should they assume that they will be treated the same way without negotiation.

HANDS OFF: If it is not yours, do NOT touch it! That applies to toys, supplies, and people. Males should know not to touch a Lady without permission. We have a ribbon system that indicates whether or not a male wishes to be touched or not. Please honor this and still ASK. Quite often, a Lady may invite another Lady to participate in a scene with their previously negotiated partner. That is based on the trust built between the initial players. Do not EVER invite yourself into a scene! (Bad BDSM etiquette)

SERVICE: We have expectations of basic service by our males at our ClubFEM® functions. This is discussed during orientation at our munches and also notified prior to attending your first event. This is an ongoing expectation and should be considered part of your expected member participation. We do NOT force anyone into physical or emotionally harmful situations!

Ladies- "Domination" does not mean lack of negotiation. Do not touch or attempt to abuse your power over someone who has not decided to give you that authority through negotiation. Only "yes" means yes and NO is a full sentence.

males - "submission" does not mean you cannot say NO or bow out of an uncomfortable situation. Only "yes" means yes. If you have not discussed something with a lady, do not accept it if she does something you haven't negotiated. Say something immediately to her and to the Board. DO NOT WAIT

Humility: Unintended humiliation may occur in lighthearted fun by the Ladies. If a sub is super sensitive to giggles and such, group play may need to be reconsidered. We are not a stuffy high protocol bunch. We like to have fun and sometimes it's at the males' expense. ALL new males are made aware of public group introduction expectations prior to attending. By attending, they are accepting the risk of humiliation.

We stress negotiations between both parties, if you do not know how to negotiate for yourself, please ask Madame Navia or one of the Ladies of the Board and we will be happy to instruct you.

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